Being a city kid who grew up in a town house I never, EVER, got to give out candy to trick or treaters, and when I lived in New Orleans I knew better than to open my door to strangers. Now that I live in a real apartment building with actual children I got so excited to finally give back to society in some small way – by fattening up the youth of America – that I ran to the grocery store and stocked up of treats. Eleven pounds of treats to be exact (so that’s what bathroom scales are for…) Darling reader, imagine my dismay when I discovered that my building does not allow trick or treating!!!!! Is that not the most disheartening thing you have ever heard? Luckily Brutus, my trusty dachshund (a “hot dog”) sidekick, and I had a back-up plan. We packed up our treats and costumes and headed over to my sister’s apartment building, who like the rest of the country and anyone with a soul, allows trick or treating.
My sister was kind enough to roast us a big ol’ chicken for dinner, Ina Garten style, complete with croutons and sautéed baby carrots. Free dinners are always awesome, but the downside of this equation is that she lives in a New York City apartment, (a.k.a very small), so her coffee table doubles as a dining room table. Brutus, dressed as a zebra, (see above), was sitting on the couch when our first trick or treaters arrived. My sister and I jumped up to answer the door and (can you guess where this is going?) when I turned around I saw Mr. Zebra gobbling down the chicken like Takeru Kobayashi at an all you can eat buffet. So immediately I shove my hand down his throat and try to pull out the chicken, but he starts to choke on a bone! As I’m sure you can imagine, it was really a terrifying experience, and not in that spooky Halloween kind of way. I grabbed him and ran over to the emergency vet clinic on 15th, nearly flattening a kid dressed as an octopus on my way out. I think I heard him scream “LOOK AT THE BABY ZEBRA!” but I could have totally imagined that.
Luckily Brutus is going to be totally fine but the moral of the story is: candy can not only lead to childhood obesity, but it can also try to kill your dog. Kids, if there was one thing I could teach you, it would be to not mix candy, chicken, and hot dogs.
(Does anyone else hear the “Debbie Downer” music playing in the background?)
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!
My sister was kind enough to roast us a big ol’ chicken for dinner, Ina Garten style, complete with croutons and sautéed baby carrots. Free dinners are always awesome, but the downside of this equation is that she lives in a New York City apartment, (a.k.a very small), so her coffee table doubles as a dining room table. Brutus, dressed as a zebra, (see above), was sitting on the couch when our first trick or treaters arrived. My sister and I jumped up to answer the door and (can you guess where this is going?) when I turned around I saw Mr. Zebra gobbling down the chicken like Takeru Kobayashi at an all you can eat buffet. So immediately I shove my hand down his throat and try to pull out the chicken, but he starts to choke on a bone! As I’m sure you can imagine, it was really a terrifying experience, and not in that spooky Halloween kind of way. I grabbed him and ran over to the emergency vet clinic on 15th, nearly flattening a kid dressed as an octopus on my way out. I think I heard him scream “LOOK AT THE BABY ZEBRA!” but I could have totally imagined that.
Luckily Brutus is going to be totally fine but the moral of the story is: candy can not only lead to childhood obesity, but it can also try to kill your dog. Kids, if there was one thing I could teach you, it would be to not mix candy, chicken, and hot dogs.
(Does anyone else hear the “Debbie Downer” music playing in the background?)
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!
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