Is There Something in My Teeth?

If you have ever had the pleasure of dining with me, I’m sure this question has become very familiar to you. I must say it at least a baker’s dozen (Baker? Get it? I couldn’t resist) times a day and have taken to carrying small mirrors around with me everywhere I go for post-meal-tooth-checks. I have even left one at work so that I don’t have to harass my coworkers into starring at my chompers. I look forward to getting a new glistening knife set so that I can casually lift the knife to my face and take a peek in the reflection. This however could turn out to be problematic; most people become alarmed when you raise butcher knives above your waist. Do you think they will be fooled if I tell them I have a gig as an old time carnival knife thrower? “I’m just practicing!! Go stand up against that wall and put an apple on your head…”

Dubious that this will work I am left with a few options: either stop eating to avoid food-in-teeth-embarrassment (impossible), suck it up and ask whoever I’m with to take a look (if they say yes I’ll be forced into that awkward picking at your teeth situation, and if they say no I look paranoid), or I can make food in teeth the new fashion trend. If rappers can wear diamond grills foodies should be able to have stuff in their teeth – it should be a sign of status! Yes, I did have a spinach salad for lunch today. Jealous? I have some friends in the fashion world and I pledge to you, dear reader, that I will work on getting a ten page spread in Vogue dedicated to the new tooth fashions (I could even get my dentist to pay for the shoot!) and the problem will be solved.