I’m horrible, I know. I’m so sorry for not having written in ages! But I warned you, I have a lot on my plate, and recently I have been feeling like I’m in the middle of a never-ending buffet and my plate just keeps getting heavier and heavier. I know that I won’t be able to eat it all, but I just can’t help stacking pancakes on top of mashed potatoes on top of tiramisu. Deep down I know it will end in a stomach ache, but I keep asking myself “What’s one more thing gonna do???”
To catch you up, here is a brief recap of everything that has happened in the past month:
-I cry in class when asked to kill a lobster.
-I am heckled by my teacher and eventually kill the lobster.
-I sort through duck organs as my punishment for being a baby.
-I am suddenly desensitized to the entire butchering process.
-I breakdown (aka cut up) a rabbit without saying a word.
-I accept that my afterlife will consist of being pinched by lobster claws and nibbled by bunnies.
-I get an A as my mid-semester grade, which is surprising considering that I labeled one of the herbs on a quiz “cannibus” (hey, it was just a joke man..)
-I make a flippin awesome hollandaise while singing an altered version of Madonna’s “Holiday” that went like this, “if we took a hollandaise, oh yeah, come on, put it atop a poached egg, oh yeah, come on, it would beeee, it would be so yummmmm-yyyy” but no one laughs.
-I realize delirium has officially set in.
-I eat at Esca and talk to, (ok, the truth is I just listened and didn’t say anything because I got all nervous and sweaty), Dave Pasternack about how he smuggled whale into America from China in his shoe and ate yams on a stick, “YOU GOTTA TRY IT, MAN.”
-I see that delirium comes with the territory and feel much better.
-I get settled into my new job at the network and spend my days worrying that I’ll somehow mess up and Alton will be disappointed in me.
-I see the new cast of FN Star and get really excited for inexplicable reasons.
-I make mac n’ cheese from béchamel sauce and realize that real mac n’ cheese isn’t supposed to be orange.
-I recognize that Kraft will never taste the same again and I have a moment of silence.
-I eat at Olive’s and bump Todd English up from gentleman caller to suitor, but wonder why the menu describes pizza a “flatbread”… it is very confusing.
-I eat at BLT Prime and wonder why Laurent keeps naming restaurants after me, (maybe because everyone wants to be LT? Get it?)
Well, I think that brings you up to speed!!
***The above photo is not actually of me, thank goodness. But I’m sure that hand will be pinched for all eternity too.
