The Alton Chronicles: AKA How Alton Brown Became My Boyfriend

On August 22, 2007 I went to lunch with my sister Blaise and told her, (and you can ask her if you don’t believe me), that I could die happy if I met Alton Brown. I find him so charismatic, hilarious, and handsome; and I’m not alone. AB has a full website dedicated to him. Little did I know that merely two weeks later we would be face to face, a mere centimeters away.

I had started working at The Network and was working with my friend Nancy on expense reports, (sounds dull, but wait until you hear what happened next). I was looking down diligently taking notes when a man walked into her office, walked right up to her – practically in my lap – and asked her something; I don’t know what it was, the whole experience has become blurred in my head. Looking back I don’t see us in an office but rather floating on a cloud somewhere above the great Mississippi River, starring into each others eyes and discussing the best place to get crawfish. Back on Earth, I recognized the voice immediately and looked up and gasped. One of those must-be-in-a-movie-because-it’s-louder-than-humanly-possible kind of gasps. He looked down into my eyes and said:

Well hello there.

Our first date, as I like to refer to it, was a brief but memorable encounter. The next day I walked into work and to my surprise and glee, my boss Bob informed me that AB was downstairs in Chelsea Market filming right that minute! I ran to the elevator, pounding the button and willing it to move faster. I was about to climb out the top of the elevator car into the shaft and cut the cords if it would pummel me down to the ground faster, but alas the doors opened on there own. I saw him immediately. His shining blonde hair, his adorable little spectacles… how could anyone have missed him? Oddly enough people weren’t stopping to harass him for autographs. What stupid, stupid people, right? I hadn’t prepared a speech and was thrust into the situation so quickly that I simply was not prepared. I took one stumbling step and hid behind a pole to gather my thoughts. Here is your chance, you can do this, you can do this… But I couldn’t do it. I began to panic. Abort, abort! When I turned back around to get one more glimpse I realized something that I’m sure AB and his infinite wisdom had noticed long ago; I was standing behind a pole (honey I’m a foodie, I aint that skinny) and wearing a bright red dress. Inconspicuous? I don’t think so. Our eyes met and I saw a quizzical look on his gorgeous face. I smiled, made some sort of grunting sound, and walked back to the elevator. It was a very romantic way to end our second date.