I’m sure by now you’ve heard the news, (and if you haven’t, get your head out of your bum)…
GIADA IS PREGGERS!!!
And guess what else, IT’S A GIRL due in April!!! That means that if I can figure out a way to turn back time and somehow artificially inseminate myself into Giada, (I’ll figure out the logistics of that later), that Giada can be my mom!!! And her Anthropologie-designer-hubby will be my dad!!! And I will have the de Laurentiis metabolism and my mama will make me sp-a-gh-e-tt-iii and pan-chhh-et-ta all day long! And my name will be Lauren de Laurentiis! How cool is that? (I’m assuming Giada will be nice enough to give her baby/me her last name, not her hubbys, because Thompson is not nearly as exciting as de-Lau-rren-tiiiiiiiis!)
The only question left is: exactly how big will her boobs get?
Tonight I am going to invent a way to transport food over the internet and television (I’ll make kazillions), then I will plan a way to make myself Giada’s baby, and thennnnn I will invent a camera lens that will be wide enough to get both of her pregnant boobs into one frame – this, of course, will be my hardest invention of all.
GIADA IS PREGGERS!!!
And guess what else, IT’S A GIRL due in April!!! That means that if I can figure out a way to turn back time and somehow artificially inseminate myself into Giada, (I’ll figure out the logistics of that later), that Giada can be my mom!!! And her Anthropologie-designer-hubby will be my dad!!! And I will have the de Laurentiis metabolism and my mama will make me sp-a-gh-e-tt-iii and pan-chhh-et-ta all day long! And my name will be Lauren de Laurentiis! How cool is that? (I’m assuming Giada will be nice enough to give her baby/me her last name, not her hubbys, because Thompson is not nearly as exciting as de-Lau-rren-tiiiiiiiis!)
The only question left is: exactly how big will her boobs get?
Tonight I am going to invent a way to transport food over the internet and television (I’ll make kazillions), then I will plan a way to make myself Giada’s baby, and thennnnn I will invent a camera lens that will be wide enough to get both of her pregnant boobs into one frame – this, of course, will be my hardest invention of all.
3 comments:
You should check out the guys that sell NYC restaurant reservations online. Now, you can buy groceries AND the possibility of great food all via the internet.
I am DYING laughing. I just went to your blog and the google ads on the right were hysterical. Right after I finished looking at that immense plate of food I scrolled down to read some stories, and the google ad read "Learn about loosing 125 lbs" . . so funny. . and then when I clicked down to the story about poor Mr. B at halloween a google ad from pillsbury popped up - advertising mini crescent rolls for (hot) dogs . . .so so funny. Just like your stories. I love the way you tell a tale!
I totally disagree with that! Thompson is a great lastname loser. Sukkkkaaa
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